London, United Kingdom – The joy of motherhood often arrives wrapped in the softest glow of love and hope, but for Laura Dockrill, that light flickered into shadows. Days after the birth of her first child, a son named Jet, Laura found herself not in the serene embrace of a nursery, but in the cold, clinical walls of a psychiatric ward.
“I thought I was supposed to feel the natural beauty of motherhood,” Laura later confided. But her reality was something few talk about, a fierce whirlwind of confusion and fear.
She was not simply battling exhaustion or the “baby blues.” What gripped her was far more terrifying, far more isolating. Postpartum psychosis, a condition that affects one in every thousand women, had taken hold of her mind, pulling her deep into delusions and paranoia. And yet, as sudden and devastating as this illness can be, the road to healing is possible—and Laura’s story, steeped in pain, love, and resilience, offers hope to many.
The Fall: A Love Story Disrupted by Darkness
Laura’s life before the storm was radiant. She had a flourishing career as a poet and author, and she had rekindled her teenage love with rock musician Hugo White. Their love was the kind of story people dream of—filled with chance encounters, long letters, and shared music.
“We met when I was just 14,” Laura remembers, her eyes soft with nostalgia. “He came down those stairs with a hoodie and this smile… I thought, this is the boy I’ve been waiting for.”
But even their picture-perfect romance wasn’t immune to the unexpected. When their son Jet was born, after a traumatic delivery, Laura felt herself unraveling. “I wasn’t grounded anymore,” she recalls. “I would grip the chair at the dinner table, trying to hold on to something real.”
In the days that followed, she found herself spiraling into thoughts that made no sense, even to her. Paranoia gripped her mind, turning Hugo, her greatest love, into someone she feared was trying to take her child away. The world around her blurred as reality slipped away.
A Mother’s Fight with the Invisible Monster
Postpartum psychosis is a psychiatric emergency, yet so many mothers, like Laura, suffer in silence, lost in their own minds, unable to reach out for help. It begins without warning, a storm in the heart where there should be peace.
“I started drinking gallons of water, like I couldn’t quench this impossible thirst. I wasn’t myself anymore,” Laura reflects. Her mind had turned against her, and even simple moments, like hearing a song on the radio, morphed into signs of conspiracy.
Her friend, the world-renowned singer Adele, noticed the shifts in Laura before anyone else. Concerned by Laura’s increasingly erratic phone calls, Adele searched online for what could be wrong. What she found was alarming. “It could be postpartum psychosis,” Adele thought, and her quiet intervention may have saved Laura’s life.
Into the Storm: The Diagnosis that Saved Her
On the morning of her first Mother’s Day, instead of waking up to the soft coos of her newborn, Laura woke up in a psychiatric hospital. Her thoughts, fragmented and dark, convinced her that everyone was plotting against her, trying to take Jet away.
It was in that hospital room, though, that she began to heal. Her fears, though distorted, motivated her to cooperate. “I was convinced they were going to take Jet from me. So I thought, if I follow every rule, eat every meal, take every pill, maybe I can prove I’m a good mother.”
What Laura didn’t realize at the time was that the love she feared losing was the very thing that would bring her back. Through her haze, Hugo stood by her, gently pulling her back to reality.
“He knelt down beside me in the hospital,” she remembers. “I accused him of trying to take Jet from me, but he just took my hands and said, ‘You’re sick, but we’ll get through this.’ In that moment, I could see him again.”
Love and Recovery: The Road Back to Herself
With treatment, time, and the unwavering support of her husband and friends, Laura began to recover. Postpartum psychosis may be one of the most severe mental health challenges a new mother can face, but it is also one of the most treatable. With the right help, healing is not only possible—it’s probable.
“I feel like I’ve seen the monsters that hide in the world, but I’ve come out on the other side, and I still love this life,” Laura shares, her voice steady with the strength of someone who’s been to the edge and found her way back.
She now uses her voice to help other mothers who may be silently suffering. In her memoir, What Have I Done? Motherhood, Mental Illness, & Me, Laura opens up about her journey in the hopes of shedding light on this often hidden aspect of motherhood. Alongside Hugo, she serves as an ambassador for Action on Postpartum Psychosis, advocating for awareness and treatment.
A Light in the Darkness: The Importance of Asking for Help
“I wish someone had told me that it’s okay to not feel okay,” Laura says, her voice soft with the weight of experience. “I wish someone had said, ask for help before it’s too much.”
Postpartum psychosis doesn’t discriminate. It can happen to any mother, at any time, regardless of her circumstances. But there is hope. Laura’s story is proof that even in the darkest moments, love, support, and treatment can bring you back. For Laura Dockrill, her love for Hugo, for Jet, and for herself has allowed her to heal. Her battle with postpartum psychosis may have been fierce, but it did not define her. Instead, it shaped her into a woman who knows the depths of despair but also the heights of recovery.
Now, she shares her story with a world that needs to hear it. “We must talk about mental health after childbirth,” she insists. “It’s real, it’s treatable, and no one should feel ashamed.”
